Last night, while I was sleeping, God came to me in a dream. But this isn't like any god you have ever heard of. This one is 12 feet tall, looks an awful lot like the offspring of a camel that was raped by an alligator and wears a propeller hat and orange and blue life jacket, neon-pink roller-skates and a sequin zebra striped clip-on tie.

Its' name is Q'jhxzyedf (pronounced "Bill") and it has tasked me with building it's new kingdom on Earth. Oh, by the way, Earth is actually called Xyxth135. Q'jhxzyedf has provided me with its autobiography titled "I am Q'jhxzyedf and You Are All idiotic Stupid Doo Doo Heads if You Don't Believe in Me" - which I am currently hard at work transferring to Ebook format, as is the preferred format of the gods.

Q'jhxzyedf exists in a reality known as Dverkiskentykowng. This reality occupies the same time and space as ours but is not perceptible to any of us, except for me, I am the special chose one. From now on, when Q'jhxzyedf speaks, it will be through me.

Q'jhxzyedf wants you all to know that refusal to believe will result in death at one point or another. Belief, however, will be rewarded with immortality. Not like the Christian immortality, none of us get to go to Dverkiskentykowng (also known as The Land of Big Titty Cocaine Strippers) except for me of course, but you will never, ever, ever, ever die. Plus you will get a bigger penis, or bigger boobs, whichever you want.

Act now, Q'jhxzyedf grows impatient.